TheSnackHound

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of VitaDigest. All opinions are 100% mine.

I am in sort of a funk today. There are a few reasons for my malaise. I am beating myself up about a few things that I haven’t said to people. The right opportunities just seem to slip through my fingers. It may be better to not wait for the perfect moment and just blurt it out, by I am so worried about rocking the boat.  Then, of course there are untimely events in the female cycle that make one a little cranky. Not THAT time of the month, but different times of the month. Slush on the ground doesn’t help, either. The weather doesn’t factor in, I suppose, but it certainly adds insult to injury.

I have been reading up and basically, to cure all of my troubles, I should be eating mood enhancing foods, such as sweet potatoes and shrimp because I will be so loaded up with B vitamins and fish oil that I couldn’t possibly be in a bad mood.  Well, I could always pop some supplements as an insurance policy just to make sure I was getting it all. Of course, nowadays there are not just multivitamins, but Vitamin B inside of Gummi Bears for the kid in me. Don’t forget the “destress complex.”

If I were not able to get enough during the day, I could get it in my sleep. I found some shampoo over at VitaDigest (They are offering some great deals such as free shipping on orders of $100 or more).  Okay, it is not solid Vitamin B shampoo, but it contains several Vitamin B factors, such as panthenol and niacin, which are very beneficial. I don’t really know how it works in shampoo. Do the vitamins help scrub off all of those toxins, or do they just sound fancy, influencing us to buy it? Afterall, they are on the outside of the body instead of in. Vitamin E has benefits when applied topically. I need to do a bit more research when it comes to others.

If I were an amphibian, can you imagine how perfect his would be? I could eat chocolate all day long, but as long as my hand was immersed in liquid Vitamins, or it was sitting lathered on my scalp, it would absorb right through my skin. That might sound a little gross, but scientifically, that would be life as a frog or salamander, wouldn’t it be? There certainly would be some complications to it, such as being much more sensitive to temperature, and having to stay moist, which I am sure moisturizing creams are for, but on the whole, there would be no excuse not to eat…absorb…your vitamins.

A relative of mine, who shall remain nameless, and I were having a debate about the presence of rugs in the kitchen. There are inspired or misguided souls who insist on wall to wall carpeting in the kitchen, and there are the advocates of area rugs and scatter rugs.

What is a scatter rug?

Well…they scatter. Sorry you asked, right? An area rug is something that stays put, while scatter rugs may be braided affairs that sort of bunch up. The dog arranges it into a ball and you trip on it. In fact, my first dachshund had the predilection for collecting them from around the kitchen and hall and making a comfortable mound of them. I can support their use in the kitchen, as they can be washed, but why are they used? Are they to cushion the feet while standing for hours scrubbing dishes? They don’t seem to have enough cushion for that, so perhaps it is merely a decorating statement?

I can justify an area rug underneath a table and chairs. That is different because it defines the space. I am still trying to get my head around the whole wall to wall carpet idea.  When they get stained, you can take the risk of washing cheap rugs in try out an experimental formula, but once carpet is stained and wrecked, you can’t do much about it. I know! You can get an area rug and some scatter rugs to cover the burn mark from when you dropped the Fry Daddy. Everyone will wonder why you have two rugs on top of another rug, but you don’t have to tell anybody. You can say you are trying to “define the space.” I’d back you up. I won’t tell.

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Birdfeeders.com. All opinions are 100% mine.

A short time back, I noted how this item would make a good dish for candy or condiments in your home. Believe it or not, it is actually a bird feeder, but why should those little tweeters get all the whimsical elegance or the stately Heritage Collection of Bird Feeders? I wonder why birds would be attracted to something with a rooster on it. Unless the feeder is trying to tell us that its FOR roosters, but they don’t fly or frequent the backyard hideaways of suburban America. Of course, the exception is when they were at Donna’s* house in the 1970s and early 80s. She decided that even though farm animals weren’t allowed in the city, she was going to be known as the lady who had the rooster. There were no chickens. Maybe that is why he was so loud.

Crackles are another bird one doesn’t normally feed. They can be boisterous and pushy. My theory is they have to be to get any service. Everyone wants to feed the cute little fuzzy thing, but no one big with a off key voice.  That is why I decided that starting now, I am going to feed grackles. Whenever i bake something and there are leftover seeds, they are first in line.

Just about every bird feeder is geared to keep out squirrels and grackles, and only allows the little fuzz tufted things in.  What kind of feeder would a grackle like?  I think this Western themed model would be to their liking.  Grackles are mainly found in the Eastern United States and Canada, but their attitude is more rootin’ tootin’ than Ivy league blazer wearing. I think they would agree.  I think it should be placed near a bedroom window so their cackles and shrieks can be enjoyed at the crack of dawn. Now, wouldn’t that be the perfect gift for someone special?

If they didn’t like it, I can imagine it can be used to create one of those sand in a bottle things if the bottom was plugged up, or it could be a personal bulk food dispenser. The kids could play “Whole Foods” and not just “grocery store.” Now, that is setting up for an adult hood of health.

How are your backyard feathered friends faring this winter? Remember, if you start feeding them, do so every year. It is no fun to stick around only for the winter, only to have the buffet close.

(*= Name changed to protect the innocent. Her real name also starts with a D, and ends in an E. It contains five letters.)

This is a sponsored guest post written by a Press Release on behalf of PBM Products. Post powered by Sponzai.

GORDONSVILLE, VA., December  2 , 2009—PBM Products, LLC, a leading infant formula company that supplies store-brand infant formulas to Walmart, Sam’s Club, Target, Kroger, Walgreens, and other retailers, has received a favorable jury verdict and a $13.5 million damages award in its false advertising lawsuit against Mead Johnson & Co., the operating subsidiary of   Mead Johnson Nutrition Company (NYSE: MJN) (“Mead Johnson”), the makers of the national-brand Enfamil® LIPIL® Infant Formula.  Mead Johnson is 83 percent-owned by Bristol-Myers Squibb.

PBM’s lawsuit claimed that Mead Johnson engaged in false and misleading campaigns against PBM’s competing store-brand of infant formulas, suggesting they do not provide the same nutrition as Mead Johnson’s brands.  PBM’s store-brand infant formulas cost up to 50 percent less than Enfamil® LIPIL®.  The $13.5 million in damages awarded by the jury in the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia is one of the largest damages awards ever for a false advertising case.

“This decision by a jury of the people confirms that Mead Johnson’s ads have been false in suggesting that there is a nutritional difference between our store-brand formula products and their products, when in fact the only major difference is price,” said PBM CEO Paul B. Manning.  “Despite Mead Johnson’s scare tactics, parents are assured that PBM’s formula products are as high quality and nutritious as Mead Johnson’s.”

U.S. District Court Judge James R. Spencer issued his written rulings yesterday following the November 10^th jury verdict. Judge Spencer’s written rulings permanently enjoined Mead Johnson from making any false statements concerning PBM’s infant formula, including the claims Mead Johnson previously made in Enfamil advertising that “It may be tempting to try a less expensive store brand, but only Enfamil LIPIL is clinically proven to improve brain and eye development,” and “there are plenty of other ways to save on baby expenses without cutting back on nutrition.”  The Court also ordered Mead Johnson to retrieve from the public domain all advertising or promotional materials containing these or any other false claims about PBM’s store brand infant formula.  

The details of the decision and the complaint are posted online in full at:

·      http://www.pbmproducts.com/docs/Order_Laches.pdf

·      http://www.pbmproducts.com/docs/PBM_Complaint_MJ_III_LIPIL.pdf

The nutritional supplements under examination in the case are two fats, DHA (docosahexaenoic acid) and ARA (arachidonic acid), which Mead Johnson calls “LIPIL®” solely for marketing purposes and touts as promoting infant brain and eye development. PBM’s claim focused on Mead Johnson’s direct mailing to more than 1.6 million parents of an alarming blurry picture of a child’s cartoon duck next to a clear picture of the same image which suggested that anything other than the Enfamil LIPIL® blend of ingredients is inferior and will result in poor eye and brain development.  Other parts of the false advertising campaign consist of statements that only Enfamil LIPIL has been proven to confer visual and mental benefits on infants, and store-brand formulas are a “cut-back in nutrition” compared to Enfamil. 

PBM successfully argued that these advertisements were false and misleading especially since PBM store- brand infant formulas have the same nutrients at the same levels as Enfamil.  PBM infant formulas are formulated to contain DHA and ARA, and are sourced from the same supplier in amounts which equal or exceed the DHA and ARA in Mead Johnson’s Enfamil LIPIL®. 

This decision marks the third time PBM Products has sued Mead Johnson for false advertising claims. On the prior occasions Mead Johnson admitted that it made false claims about PBM’s products.  It is also the first false advertising case to focus on the issue of DHA and ARA nutritional ingredients in formula, which were introduced into the market in 2003 and have become a staple in recent years by many brands as key components for infant development.

“This jury verdict should send a significant and clear message to Mead Johnson about the way it conducts marketing and advertising for its brands,” said Manning.  “This lawsuit also demonstrates our complete commitment to defending our products and the valuable brands of our retail partners.”

“As a parent and supporter of children’s medical research, I take a personal responsibility in assuring our customers that the products we produce are healthy and nutritionally equivalent to brand names like Enfamil® LIPIL®.  It is important, especially now, for parents to know that there are lower priced yet highly nutritious store-brand formulas that will provide the same benefit to their children as any national brand name formula product,” Manning added.   

The U.S. infant formula market is estimated at $3.4 billion and the global market is estimated at $7.9 billion.

All of PBM’s formulas, and for that matter all of U.S. infant formulas, are subject to the exacting standards of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), pursuant to the Infant Formula Act of 1980.  This legislation vested FDA with the authority to ensure that all infant formula products sold in the United States provide the necessary levels of identified nutrients required for the growth of healthy babies. For more information, visit this FDA link.

PBM Products was represented by the law firm Kramer Levin Naftalis & Frankel LLP.  Partners from the firm’s advertising practice, Harold P. Weinberger and Jonathan M. Wagner in New York, led the team.  

About PBM

PBM is privately owned and based in Gordonsville, VA.  PBM companies specialize in manufacturing, distributing, and marketing consumer food, nutritional, and pharmaceutical products. For more information, visit www.pbmproducts.com.

Enfamil® LIPIL® are registered trademarks of Mead Johnson & Co.

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Birdfeeders.com. All opinions are 100% mine.

Ahoy ye landlubbers! Were you sitting on your sofa, when you suddenly turned to the man (or woman) of your dreams and said, “Honey, wasn’t it fun when we went on the cruise two years ago.”

And he’ll say: “Why, yes it was. You know we decided never to go again because you were sick the whole time.”

“Ah, yes. But we always loved looking out the port hole of the dining area. In fact, that is the only memory I have besides the view of the toilet.  I remember thinking how refreshing it looked, and that I had forgotten my Dramamine.”

“I never want to go on a cruise again either,” he said, crushing the last ounce of your spirit.  You know full well, however, that he is referring to your dimenhydrinate induced hallucinations that almost had you kicked off of the ship.  Dr. Doolittle can talk to the animals, but when you start getting a little too adamant about them answering back, it gets ugly, especially if they are only animals in a mural on deck C.  “Too bad there are no dinner cruises.”

“But wait!,” you exclaim. What about having left over chile con carne and making our dining room our OWN theme restaurant?”

Then, you both marvel at the new bird ship port hole bird feeder, which of course is the perfect gift for someone special because there is no possible way they can currently have one. Of course, if they get two, well then their ship just has more than one window. Of course, it is not equipped to be plastered into the wall, but hung in front of the window, the bird feeder has the same effect.  Perhaps you will attract seagulls to your yard.  Well, the port hole is part of the Nautical Collection of Bird Feeders, but with my luck some very terrestrial robins will fancy it, and the sea faring birds won’t come inland just because I have one, but perhaps I am on to something.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t have some item that could be used for those birds that don’t like that much complication or glamor.  This rooster bird feeder tempts me to put it in the kitchen and serve shot glass desserts from it.  Notice, I didn’t say I was GOING TO DO IT, I just said it was TEMPTING ME.

Somewhere along the way, I jumped the rails. In other words, this rambling has me very off track.  I think I am going to truck on over to Birdfeeders.com and see what other kind of mess my brain can get into. Martha would be so proud.  I may not be gathering walnuts in the Maine woods for my homemade walnut furniture stain, but I do know how to bring the outdoors in…literally.

Dear Gordon Elliot,

You make me very sad.  Truth be told, you really don’t, but you make me somewhat wistful, if wistful means a tepid mixture of reminiscence and regret.  I miss your show, Door Knock Dinners.  It was on back in the earlier days of the Food Network, when they were just trying things out.  The game show, Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook was also on.   That is a topic for another day.

On the show, you wandered around a town, scouring the parking lots and the side streets for someone passing by, accosted them and asked them if you can come to their house and make them dinner.  I don’t know why that freaked people out. Women in sweat suits ran in the other direction and men in baseball caps just flipped their brims down.  They didn’t realize what they were missing!  If only they were willing, they would experience the culinary majesty of you making them a masterpiece…or at least something edible…out of the Twinkie, small portion of freezer burned casserole, a Dove ice cream bar popsicle stick, and McDonald’s mustard packets you had around the kitchen.

I have never sent this letter.  I could.  I found out that Mr. Elliot is alive and well and a produce of several food related shows, but alas, Door Knock Dinners is just a dim memory.  I don’t even have a picture or a Youtube of the show.  If I wanted to, I could probably write a letter to the production company and it might get to a publicist or his second assistant’s third assistant.  How would it ever get in to his hands without someone else already deciding if he would read it or not, and at such a moment that it may persuade him to bring back my favorite cooking show of all time?  It was all about spontaneity, persuasion, and ultimately, making due.

The only way I could think of is to find out where he is on social networks.   In fact, I have been reading about and mulling over MyLife. It is a site that aims to deliver on the promise of helping you find people from your past that you want to find. It extracts information from various sites where they may have a profile. In other words, the people in question want to be found.

The question is: Was Gordon Elliot really a part of my life?  No, I never knew him personally, but yes, he was.  The zaniness kept me company through bouts of flu, bad roommates, bad cake, and a bad relationship.  Of course, when I went through a streak of being healthy (how could I?) and worked a lot, I didn’t see as much of him. The show is now a distant memory, with the only content available occasionally being a clip of the Iron Chef edition of Door Knock Dinners. Could I potentially type him in and find out what social networking site was best to make sure that he would personally get my note? I don’t know.  He doesn’t share a school connection or work affiliation with me, so it would take some doing to wade through the sea of Gordon Elliots around the world.

If you have someone that you legitimately knew in a two way situation (you knew their name, but they also knew yours), you could possibly benefit from the site.   You might be surprised who has been wondering what happened to you, too.

I will admit to having window shopped recently.  Why did I just window shop and not go in?  I decided to take a stroll at 10 P.M., and the store was closed but some of the lights in the windows were still on.  I don’t know if the sweater I was looking on was a deep eggplant color, or if it was actually really dark in there and it was supposed to be lavender, but the lines of the piece looked good.

Purple does seem to be the “it” color right now, and that is a good thing. I just don’t do well with white or beige clothing. The minute I wear something white, I am invited to share a big plate of marinara with someone, or I make chocolate ganache. Yes, white clothing seems to be a “one time use” item for me. The beautifully delicate looking cotton eyelet at left would definitely be a big fat no. Of course, I would want to try on the dress anyhow. Lucky for me its an outlet item and they don’t have my size. That certainly saves me from the latest, “Oh, let’s try white again,” kick.

A couple months ago, a video called Red Chair Confessions went viral on the internet. I speculated that the add was a tease from Red Box (though it is not really their style) or Target (why? Because of the color red.) It turned out to be neither of these companies. Although it is a bit more suggestive than I thought they were capable of…it was actually…. (drumroll)

…Talbots.

Now it all finally makes sense.  She did nothing illicit, she just can’t believe she is actually shopping at the same store that old money fifty-five year old women from New England shopped at, including her mother.  I will admit, the store window I was pressing my nose up against at 10 P.M. was Talbot’s.  It seems that the lines are still classic, but it is much more updated.

In fact, I think the company is moving in the right direction, because it seems like their website is Weenie Dog approved.  As you know, Dachshunds are a very important interest category as the two real life Snackhounds are doxies.  They always put news items at the top of my inbox when they suspect it might be related to helping out the cause of another Weenie. I fall for anything with a hotdog in it and they know it.  FOILED AGAIN!

Of course, sometimes the presence of a Dachshund is just a cheap shot. Companies around the world know that if they put a Dachshund in the ad, especially if it is a rescued Weenie, that I am automatically going to pay attention because I am a sucker. No, I am not some megalomaniac that things all marketing departments think that they need to synchronize their watches to my whims. But Dachshunds help. So does chocolate and horses. And Chevette Scooters. Why Chevette Scooters? It gives me an opening for a funny story. It involves five people, a dog, and a very long trip.

At any rate, enjoy your Talbot’s, your purple sweaters, your lap if a dog has graced it with the presence of its butt. Above all, buy up all the white button down shirts at Talbot’s before I lose my mind again and think chocolate, pasta sauce, and white clothes truly mix.

I wonder who was the first person to wake up and say, “Let’s paint over the paneling the dining room!” Did they get bonked on the head before they thought that? Boy oh boy, what fun it is to paint dark chocolate brown paneling. Just watch your money go down the tubes with cans and cans of Kilz. O f course, they do that silliness on those design shows where they surprise someone or do something on a $32 budget. I guess it is just all about instant gratification and not giving half a penny about having to rip them out down the road, but being even harder with all of the paint and filler you put on the.  Imagine what is sitting behind those panels.

Right now, my parents are going through that dilemma in a “new to them” home that was majestically built in the early 1900s, but then was renovated in the decade of harvest gold and sunset orange. It is awash in the majesty of toothpaste colored and gold crackled Marlite walls and the occasional random installation of a dark brown panel here and there. You know, those little walls that are too small to put a big picture on or do anything else with? They have made the decision to just paint over those.

So, you can use regular old interior paint on paneling, but did you know that there is actually Tile Paint for the other end of the decorating nightmare form the past? Yes, you too can quickly cover up an unusual decorating choice quickly and efficiently.  I think the green looks good, and don’t know why that Thing Addams is covering it up over there.  (Question: Was “Thing” considered a pet so took on the last name of the family, or was he adopted and therefore an Addams on the Addams Family Show.  Maybe he didn’t have a last name?)  Ronseal makes it, and it has the comforting words on each can of “It does what it says on the can.” The literature also states:

Ideal for tiled areas around sinks, baths and cookers and domestic shower areas. Not recommended for floor tiles or tiled work surfaces.

Aw, darn it! I was hoping to surprise them and have their kitchen with “antique space constraints, then stuffed with giant appliances” completely painted over. I guess they have to replace the floor tiles. I can not paint scenes from their lives on them.  However, you can do your whole tub surround if you wanted to, or that weird half wall in the kitchen. Firstly, I would get a dumpster, and then I would get to work. Since it dries in an hour or two, I’d have it as good as new in no time.

I remember watching “This Is Your Life” style segments on Sesame Street. Of course, I am not old enough to really have seen the original “This Is Your Life.” Of course, on Sesame Street, they ask Grover to guess which of the mystery people is his Grandmother. Of course, its pretty obvious. One of the choices had her hair in a bun.  Oh, and she was blue with a pink nose.

Grover could have taken after the other side of the family.  It never said whether Grandma Monster was his maternal or paternal grandmother.  For all we know, the other side of the family could have been green monsters.  Maybe Grover just took after Grandma in looks, and the rest of the family were circus clowns.  We will never, ever know.  Maybe she influenced Grover’s decision to get a job as a Waiter.

While back in the day trotting out long lost people or at least people you wouldn’t expect to see on the show with you was a wholesome and heart warming time had by all, today its fodder for the Jerry Springer Show (It is funny that the show is off the air and people still use it as a noun, adjective, and verb). It always works out that someone doesn’t really doesn’t want to see someone.  Alternately, they are happy to see the person, but the person has a strange secret that they were better off not knowing.

It seems to me that if a talk show can find someone, the person looking would be able to as well, unless the person didn’t want to be found.  Of course, if a talk show gives them money to wear a wig and glasses to wait on the seeker to see if they recognize them, maybe they could be enticed.  Overall, I find that most people who want to be found by someone are easily found by retracing your steps.  If their parents still live in the town you both grew up in, you probably can just give them a jingle.

There is a new site called MyLife that promises to find people that you lost track of.  No, it probably won’t help you if you are trying to decipher orphanage records.  It also won’t replace the “Missed Connections” section of Craigslist, either.   For the uninitiated, the dude that sings the You’re Beautiful song is the type of person you would see there.  You know how it goes.  He sees her smile on the subway.  She’s with another man.  He won’t lose sleep, because he’s got a plan.

With MyLife, you have to know the actual NAME of the person.  None of the stuff like: “You wore a striped sweater. I asked where the pickled kippers were at Kroger’s. You made a face.  I want to see you again. I want to marry you.”   The site sifts through different social networking sites and other sites where users create profiles.  In other words, these people don’t mind letting others know they are out there, you might just not be a member of all the sites to be able to know that they were there.  Since you do a name rather than a location search, you can potentially find someone who has moved across the country.  I actually looked up a girl who was my best friend in 8th grade.  We’ll see if she wants to talk to me.

It is not just a search.  When you sign up for an account, you start with your email contacts, your school affiliations and other criteria.  It suggests people that you might know, sort of like the Facebook “People You May Know” tool, except it is not for people on Facebook.  Maybe this is part of a new movement to snuff out class reunions.     With the site, can connect with all the people that you actually wanted to talk to, and have no awkward small talk with people who stuffed you in a garbage can, or that you stuffed in a garbage can.

That’s it.  I will form The Committee Against Awkward Reunions. The last class reunion I went to really stunk anyways.   It was the class reunion of my ex and I went as his guest.  He told all his classmates about how he was going to ask me to marry him, and then the years rolled by after that.  Don’t do that to a girl, okay guys?  It doesn’t matter how much you want to impress your friends who already have wives and beautiful children. Women have ears and aren’t zapped by one of those Men in Black flashy things when they leave the reunion.  You are on the record. If CAAR (The Committee Against Awkward Reunions), someone would have swooped in on my behalf.

Oddly enough, it also tells you who is searching for you.  No other site does that.   In other words, if someone calls you up and tells you someone wants to tell you a secret on a talk show, you will know who it is.  Isn’t that convenient?  I think people are a bit more forthright being forced to use their real name, instead of names like HotGirly2335 on the different sites.  Apologies to anyone whose parents that actually named them HotGirl2335.  I guess we could call her “Five” for short.

Last month, the culinary world was rocked when the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into a Racine, Wisconsin was hurt. Perhaps this was a statement of protest and solidarity by hot dogs everywhere, as Wisconsin is chiefly a land of bratwurst and sauerkrautt (I lived there for awhile, so I can say it).

(Editorial Update: Oh man…the Wiener Mobile clip was removed from YouTube!  I’ll just have to reenact it for you at some other time.)

Of course, as the newcaster states, it was not an experience that would be relished. Oh, I sometimes groan when reporters ad lib. While CNN dished up the awkward quips, someone got ahold of Youtube and offered a more contemplative, zen like interpretation.  The viewer is invited to sit back, and let the image of the scene approach you closer and closer.  Or, have you achieved such a zen like state that the photo is not getting bigger, but you are entering the video?  It could very well be.

Ah, now don’t you feel better?  No one was hurt.  Apparently, this is not the first time this has happened, according to The FireGeezer, who reports that in February of 2008, a Wienermobile spun out into a snow bank.  It was leaving Syracuse University and making its way towards Penn State.  It is reported that a two truck driver stated: “I’ve pulled out a lot of vehicles,” he said. “But that’s the first wiener I’ve ever pulled out.   No kidding.

This would all be fine and good, as no one was hurt, yet again.  However, the story doesn’t end there.  Apparently, the Wienermobile had tweeted about its own accident.  Yes, the Wienermobile has its own Twitter account.  Yes, the famous Wiener Mobile will inform you when you can “ketchup” with it around the country.  I have learned so far that hotdogs are not carried along for the ride, nor cooked inside.  It is not a lunch car. However, there are collectible Wiener Whistles if anyone should choose to partake in that type of festiveness.

Stay tuned until the Wiener Mobile comes to my town. Some friends have been hoping to get it to show up at their 12th annual BBQ.  If they are successful, I am going to have to steal its relish until it sits down and gives me an exclusive interview.  I think I’d need someone to translate the revs of the engine into English.

Cousin Emily is graduating this year. Actually, she already graduated. We are just celebrating her graduation very close to when her parents are shoving her out the door and off to college. Why? It has been a crazy summer. Key relatives have been out of town, key relatives have been very sick. Now everyone is better and is in town. Good for us. This way, she also won’t spend her money over the summer and will have a big cornucopia of possibilities for her dorm room and college life.

Is she CampusReady yet? Perhaps.  Perhaps not.

I asked her what she needed, and she said gift certificates to furnish her dorm room. I joked with her that I am going to poll people that went to that college, and I am going to find the greasiest, nastiest restaurant there. Then, I am going to buy a special gift certificate to it. It won’t be a mealy $5 coupon. Nope, I will have everyone who is already giving her a gift and ask them to pitch in $1-5 each, and then I will give the money to a cousin who lives out that way. He will buy a gift certificate so big that she won’t be able to NOT use it. She will feel bad if she doesn’t. It won’t be one of those charming “Greasy Spoons” that serve nostalgic American Diner food. It won’t be something that violates health codes.  It just needs to be something kind of strange. There is a dish that was called Campus Scrapple.  It is like Philadelphia Scrapple, except instead of whatever is left over from pork and eggs and whatnot, it is probably the last sliver of a hostess snack, some ramen noodles, and a pixie stick.

Of course, I am not going to really do that to her. However, if you live in the Ann Arbor, Michigan, area, or you have ties there, you are welcome to write me. Leave a comment if you can name a place. I would love to know!

At any rate, a better option is obviously a gift certificate. Sears has a large selection of items that are appropriate.  They even have a CampusReady on Facebook where you can design your own dorm room. There is a roommate matcher to see if you are compatible with other people. The best part is that you can make yourself a little wishlist of things that you want people to buy for you. Kind of like a bridal registry without getting married, or a baby registry without having a baby.

In addition, Sears and UPromise are giving away a $25,000 scholarship.  You can win by entering at sears.com/campusready. In fact, you can enter every single day. That’s a lot of chances. Of course, then other people get a lot of chances too. It all evens out in the end. If someone has 30 zillion chances and so do you, it is like both having one chance. Sort of.