On June 27, 2010, Stupid Human Trick and Stupid Pet Trick auditions for the David Letterman show will take place near Hilton Promenade at Branson Landing. In fact, you will find the hoopla happening right in front of the Branson Landing fountains. If I happen to be in the neighborhood, I have already decided exactly what I will do. I will display my talents as a woman with a dark chocolate sensing nose.  I can smell any piece of chocolate and tell you if it is dark chocolate or not.  Truly, it has a distinctive smell over milk chocolate or :::shudder::: waxy Palmer’s candy.  The aroma also directly correlates to the cocoa content and quality of the chocolate.  You may have little faith and think that its artificial oils.  Just take a gander at a super pure Cacao bar and tell me that.  The list of ingredients are scant.

Hmm…I am not sure that I will be able to pull that one off.  While I have no doubt of my powers, I simply cannot predict what the other talent categories will be.  They may, in fact, boot me out just because my talent doesn’t qualify as “Stupid.”  If the chocolate industry had a “nose” like the perfume industry does, I would apply to be that person.

Better get hotel reservations now if you are a hopeful form across the miles. The Hilton Branson Convention Center is also just a little jaunt away if the hotel in the middle of the action is booked. In fact, the Branson Hiltons welcome your four legged celebrity so you he or she can give you their undying encouragement no matter how Stupid your human trick is.  Oh, yeah…they can enter too.

Of course, I would be around for a few days after the audition. It would be a waste to go all that way and not do anything else. There is a gold package offered in conjunction with the Payne Stewart Golf Club for accommodations and ball hitting. When I am passed over for the Stupid Human Tricks opportunity I will want to feel more down in the dumps than I do.  I always slice the grass pretty badly and it will make me even more frustrated, and that’s how I roll. Just get all the “dumps” over in one swoop rather than trying to artificially perkify myself.  Then, I would go eat at the Barbara Fairchild Diner.  Imagine if at Kenny Roger’s Roasters that Kenny Rogers actually served your food.  Well, at the Barbara Fairchild Diner, Grammy nominated country music singer who sang about Teddy Bears may just serve you lunch and sing to you!  That’s way better than having your birthday at TGIFridays and be serenaded by restaurant-stopping off-key warbling.   That seems like a full day.

If you are planning a trip to Branson, where would you explore?

Did you know you can tour and even purchase directly from the Fiesta Ware factory? The Homer Laughlin Company offers tours of the facility if you make an advanced reservation. They recommend planning at least two weeks in advance, and being understanding of cancellations due to weather. Tours are conducted on Mondays and Fridays, and includes a visit to the Homer Laughlin China museum, where you can view over 130 years of their offerings.

There is a tent sale twice a year. One is typically in October at the factory that people far and wide rush to. There are online rumors that the first one of the year will be in July. I do not know if this is at the outlet store, or at the factory itself. I will return with updates as soon as I find out. There are no rumblings on the Fiesta Event Page.Tips if you go to the sale:

• Items are not neatly stacked, so expect to do some sorting and hunting.
• Many shoppers recommend bringing thick socks or rags. You can put the socks on your hands to protect them from any chips. Also, they are good for getting rid of dust when you claim your treasure.
• Condition of the items are firsts and factory seconds. Many people buy factory seconds because a little bubble in the glaze does not inhibit the use of an item.
• If you cannot do any lifting, bring a friend who can. I remember that there is a several case limit per person, and most people are eager to buy their limit. There are no wagons to use, as far as I know, so be prepared!

I don’t know about you, but as I bruise easily, I am taking all the advice to heart!

Have you pushed and shoved your way through the West Virginia Sale before, or are you planning to go? Write me at info (at) thesnackhound.com and tell me your story!