TheSnackHound

I am having some issues here!  I have to sit around and wait for over 20 hours, as of this writing, to take a chance at free chocolate goodness.

Every Friday, the generous folks at MARS are giving us a big of sweet relief.  All during the summer, when you log on to RealChocolate.com, you can enter to be considered for a coupon for a free chocolate bar.  My personal choice is the Dove Dark Chocolate bar.  The stipulation is that you enter only on FRIDAY after 9:00 A.M. Eastern time.  I didn’t want to tell you this of course, as they only give it out to a certain number of people, and if you entered, it would shrink my chances.  Just kidding, of course.  You know how giving I am.

Firstly, they ask for your birthdate to find out if you are of a legal age and maturity level to be able to handle the excitement of free chocolate.  Once that is done, you can register to win a coupon.  By the way, I have never received any junk mail, only my coupons.  You can check off if you would like to receive emails about MARS news.  Of course I want it.  Bad.

I once saw an attractive pink gumball machine at a salon, and it turned my head, as it was not the typical worn out steel gray with the noseprints of kids on the glass. As I peered inside, I saw a delightful pyramid of Pink Ribbon Gumballs. They were pure white with a pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbon on them. Of course, I needed to buy one. I needed to find out if they were bubblegum flavor, or some type of mint like some white gum is. I chewed the first one too fast, and swallowed it by accident, so I needed to invest another quarter.

As far as gumballs go, they are not disgustingly sugary. Disgustingly sugary is defined as one of those rabbits at Easter that have the painted on pastel colors.  Blech.  Rather, these were pleasantly true to what they set out to do.  The better underlying message is that the gumball machines generate donations for the Kay Yow/WBCA Cancer Fund.  I am sure that you are not shocked, as you would seldom find anything with pink ribbons on it generating donations for the Tractor Pull Society, The League for the Suppression of Celery, or the Burt Reynolds 70s Moustache Awareness Foundation.  No, it just wouldn’t seem to fit.

You can buy your very own pink gumball machine for $99.00.  Part of the proceeds from the sale go towards WBCA.  You can even buy gumballs to generate your own donation drive for the cause.  On the website it states that if you vend 6 gumballs a day, you will empty the machine twice in a year.   Is that a fact or a challenge?  Somehow I sense that it is not a fact, but the gauntlet has proverbially been smacked down before me.  Okay, smarty pants, let me just tell you that MY gumball machine is going to be a head of schedule and will empty out THREE times a year.

Do you have a business or restaurant and care about breast cancer?  Toddle on over to Pinkribbongumballs.com and get your fix for a good cause.  If you don’t have a high traffic area, maybe you just want to fulfill your dream of having your very own gumball machine to hog for your very self.

The winners of the Washington Post Peep show have recently been announced, with the winner being “NightPeeps,” a delicious take on Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks.   It is all there:  The guy in the fedora, the soda jerk, the mysterious red head…or should I say pink eared?

Here is Nightpeeps and Nighthawks together at last:

The Peep-sterpiece was made by Melissa Harvey of Arlington, Virginia.   She worked on two consecutive weekends, according to The Post.  Let’s take a closer look inside at the painstaking detail. The plate or ashtray on the table that is a little obscured on the original is now a plate of carrots.   Clay plates and mugs hold the caffeine and carrot feast, while a cap found in the medicine cabinet by Melissa Harvey’s husband serves as a drinking glass.

The original Nighthawks has been reproduced many times with everything from Disney characters to famous actors clocking in at the diner, and of course, there was a Lego version as well.  Nightpeeps trumps them all by not only being interesting to look at, but delicious as well.

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All of you are about to be so jealous of me, and you don’t know it yet (Well, at least the girls are.  The boys are just going to be a bit miffed that they didn’t think about getting it for THEIR gal).  I recieved this most beauteous watch as a gift for Valentine’s Day! It is pink and white and yellow and green and fits me perfectly!!!  I love it!

Since I have very small wrists, most bracelets and watches are too big.  I had to make sure to tuck my thumb in when stretching it over my hand, as I believe this was intended to be a child’s size, but the giver of it knew that it would probably fit just right (As the giver was my mom and she has small wrists too so she knows, but not as small as mine. Small enough to sympathize, though.).   I know those of you who are of the larger (read: NORMAL) framed variety are disgruntled because for once, I could get the cute watch and don’t have to pay a bazillion dollars to take 50 links out of it while you sit back and can wear it off the rack.

To make a long story short, The SnackHound doesn’t have a Valentine this year.  I didn’t want to break your jolly mood, but during one of my brief hiatuses from posting many, many, months and possibly years back, there was a corporate dispersement, causing the disassembly of The Snack Hound Corporate Test Kitchen.  In fact, there was a little reorganization of staff as well.  It was a sad state of affairs indeed.

I thought about getting fixed up and walking the little snackhounds (snackhounds= The Doxies.  You think I am crazy enough to walk a Blog or a Wooden cracker tray?) downtown.  However, I was moping around a bit too much and decided to prepare myself a can of Amy’s Cream of Mushroom Soup instead.

I was pleasantly surprised by my new watch, and I proceeded to photograph it.  You would be impressed because I took the photo with the camera under my chin.  How else would I have taken it with both hands in the photo?   In the meantime, the liquid in the soup boiled down to almost nothing.  Oh.  Whoops.  If there was such a use for “Cream of Mushroom Soup Reduction” in a fancy French recipe, I think I aced it, even if it is a bit crusty.  Unfortunately, I don’t know any.

So, for all of the goody two shoes out there who got two dozen red roses from their boyfriend or husband, or who are a guy who got cologne or something, I can put my Valentine’s Day Present in a plastic baggie and save it for next year if I want to, but you can’t do that with your flowers.   I don’t think my watch will last that long, because I think while holding my dog on my lap, he tried to lick it.

*****
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Okay, this was more pathetic than funny but still it would be nice if you would rate me on Humor Blogs!
(You will have my undying appreciation!)

This week,  I made a major revelation to a good friend of mine.  I won’t mention her name as I didn’t tell her that I was .  You see, she was unaware that Candy Cigarettes are now called Candy Sticks.  Why is that?  Because people decided that the candy would encourage children to smoke.  I say that the particular ship sailed somewhere around 1958.  if candy cigarettes were to have an effect, they had already done their damage. and smoking in 2008 is on the decline.  Any legislative change would be just like pushing water up a hill with a fork.   In fact, any child who thought candy cigarettes were delish, and then tried a tobacco cigarette thinking it would be the same would have been so repulsed by the differing taste that they would have sworn never to smoke again in their life.

Doubt me?

I turn to theater great Uta Hagen**, who not only was an accomplished actress, but found further fame as an acting teacher.  She bandied about the Staniskavski method, which to you all, is method acting.   There were some situations where an actor could get into such a mindset that when they supped a glass of apple juice on stage it would taste like beer to them, or have the same effect.  What you never wanted to do to an actor would be to have water pretend to be vodka on stage, and then one night during a show, replace it with something else.  Either real vodka or a trendy flavored water.  It literally could be a shock to the system for them as their body wasn’t expecting it.

In otherwords, you think all of these pretty boys who decide to turn to the stage have no working hazards…you are WRONG!

What was I talking about?  Oh…yes.  I was talking about people dying of shock that real cigarettes didn’t taste like candy cigarettes.

(**= Just a little sidebar here. I came THIS close to meeting Uta Hagen!!  I was walking in the lobby of a theater.  In fact, I was in the basement at the black box theater, and I came up the stairs into the lobby.  Behind the big wooden doors of the main stage, down the aisle, and on the stage was Uta herself.   I could just slightly make out the sound of her voice, even though the door was closed, as the theater had excellent accoustics and she knew how to work it.  I dared not open the door, because everyone would have turned around as the door was very heavy and very creaky and I would not have wanted to potentially meet her in combat boots, ripped jeans, a leotard top with a flannel shirt tied around my waist.  No wait, it was tied around my shoulders.  Preppy grunge.  I thought i looked pretty sweet.  But then again, everyone else thought they did too, but at least I showered. I DID however get to meet John Henry.  The horse. You know, who came off of Arlington track and took the racing world by storm.   I saw him many years ago way before he passed away of old age.  Since Uta Hagen is dead too, I won’t get a chance to meet her before she dies.

Okay…back to the blog post…)

Now, in modern times, these candies are called CANDY Sticks.  It is a less cigarette-y name, but the candy actually looks identical.  In fact, some makers even make them with the small pink tip that some of them used to have.  The good news is that the taste and texture that you have come to expect has not changed.  They are more neutral a flavor than the SweetTarts or Smarties.  They are closer to what candy necklaces used to tastes like before they started getting all harsh and stuff.

I just have a question…what does Spider-Man have to do with candy sticks, and also, when did he hyphenate his name?  I just thought he was Spiderman, but apparently, he started hyphenating at some point, or perhaps it is not about marital status or his wish to be a compound noun, but a reflection of his packaging not being produced in an English speaking nation?  I won’t know until i snag an exclusive interview like I have had with Wendy, of the League of Suppression of Celery, that is not the justice league, but a member of the Association of Leagues along with the Justice League.  the League of Leagues is not an autocratic body, but rather gives you use of emergency red phones or busts that have heads that flip open to reveal secret buttons.  The Human League was not invited, but there is acknowledgment they existed as they drilled the “I’m Only Human” song into our heads.  There could be a League Against the Human League though.

So, the natural question you would have for me:  Was I for or against the name change.  Actually, it sort of just creeped up like a fog over Boston.  I took it for granted and one day realized what had slowly happened.   I think children are now a little confused.  What about those straight, long peppermint things that are in jars at old fashioned ice cream shops?  I thought THOSE were candy sticks.  Since there are not too many of those except near cider mills, maybe the candy stick people brokered a deal somewhere, somehow, to make sure the old fashioned candy sticks were not called anything at all.

What did we learn today?
1. Candy Cigarettes are now Candy Sticks
2. The didn’t influence me to smoke as a child or an adult
3. They did, however, probably help put my dentist’s children through school.
4. I never met Uta Hagen due to my poor fashion choices that I thought were cool but apparently, somewhere in my subconscious, I wasn’t too sure. If I really thought I was a good impression, i would not have been deterred from a learning experience.

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Okay, readers.  It is time for a “talking to.”

I am spending some time in the “old country,” the area where I was born.  It is actually still part of the New World, it is just that the ways in this part of the United States might seem a little peculiar to people in other parts of the United States.  In fact, when I go to the east coast, they tell me *I* am the one with the accent.  Wait a minute, I sound just like the newscasters, don’t I?

I digress.

At any rate, the “new thing” that is actually only a new thing to ME apparently is selling candy corn and peanuts together, all mixed up in one box or bag and calling it a snack.   This is not an excuse, apparently, to get rid of candy corn.  I have only met a few people in my whole lifetime who actually liked and SOUGHT out candy corn.  The other few people that ate candy corn did so when it was in a meddly of halloween candy and didn’t want to leave it out, or ate it “because it was there,” but wouldn’t normally.  It is kind of like having beer goggles.  You wouldn’t normally “do it” unless the circumstances were right…I should rather say when circumstances are very “wrong,” but a scientist or meteorologist would say “right” like how conditions were “right” for the Perfect Storm, even though it was really “not a really great thing to have happened.”   Just ask Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.

How did I find this out?  I went to a Cider Mill and they had the plastic snap tight boxes filled with the stuff.  It was only $4.50 but they had marked it down to half off, as they weren’t sure if it was Thanksgiving-y enough.  Well, at that price, I guess it is time to start a holiday tradition.   Just recycle the halloween candy at Thanksgiving.  They certainly would have had minu 1″ pumpkins and corn at the first feast, wouldn’t they?  This is merely just a candy interpretation.

A side note: I always wonder why they show pumpkins on the table when people recreate the first Thanksgiving in artistic form.  They are either on the table or somewhere else for decoration.  Did the Pilgrims slice them like giant apples and serve them?  I would have assumed that the pumpkin would have been made into different things already and wouldn’t have appeared as full pumpkins.  Maybe the artist or director thought that we would want to know what the pie or the bowl of stuff was made out of and the pumpkin was there to make us remember that there were pumpkin ingredients.  Not sure about that one.

Anyways, back to the candy corn/peanut thing.  I thought that they invented at the Cider Mill, but then my mom and a few other people said, “Mmmmm….those are good together” when the subject was brought up, like some kind of convergence was happening where a roomful of people mysteriously agreed about something and knew about it for a long time at the very bottom of their soul.  Yikes.  I just can’t fathom it.  And then someone offered,” SPANISH peanuts and candy corn taste even better!”   It is understood that there is sometimes a desire to have something both salty and sweet, but are candy corns really sweet?  I always thought they were kind of blah.  I mean, they technically have sugar in them, but that is their only claim.

So, there may be some of you who think that the sensation of flavors is just great.  I admit that it is a good way to recycle, but I am not jumping on the bandwagon with you.   My least favorite candy doesn’t get better by adding something to it.