TheSnackHound

Who exactly is this person? A third grader that made a keepsake silhouette? Simon Pegg?

No, dear readers, it is none other than Wolfgang Puck, star of chefdom and soup labels everywhere (Only eclipsed in merchandising saturation by Emeril, whose first name is so surely trademarked). His silhouette, though I would have never guessed it to be him, is immortalized on a few keurig k-cups. While it may be a swift departure from his typical labels featuring Puck in a chef’s uniform, the image has little brand recognition, at least not yet.

The k-cups are not to be confused with coffee pods, which are more akin to the look and concept of a teabag, yet are inserted into a machine as well. I am one of the 16 people in my state, twelve being under the age of five, who has yet to adopt the cup and pod craze. Therefore, I am explaining for the Super Sixteen. The cups are the ones that look like giant dairy creamers.

Anyway, the nice thing about Keurig coffee brewers is that you can also load them up with tea and hot chocolate pods that are available if coffee is not your thing. While brewing tea on the stove is just fine, my curiosity was ticked by a few of my cousins who have been gifted with them. The system is so easy in college dorms and first apartments, as there is little mess. (Not to be sexist in a “boys have cooties” way, but I tended to find that apartments inhabited by 18-21 year old men tend to have the most beverage receptacles with 1/2 of inch of liquid in them quickly turning into petri dishes. Young ladies can germinate just as many forms of bacteria, though.)

I wonder what the next 20 years will bring. Will the k-cups still be growing strong, will the Keurig brewers be dinosaurs, or will retrophiles be swapping cups on the internet like expired Polaroid film? Maybe we’ll be refilling them like ink cartridges.  Live on, Keurig, live on. My cousin’s roommates are depending on you.

A happy accident is when you meringue an egg to fold into your flourless chocolate cake. You drop your spatula as the cake sits in the oven, and you see it still thickening up in the bowl on the counter. Panic sets in. Then later, you realize you just made a very decadent brownie. Monks tried almost everything in their humanly power to prevent wine from bubbling. Little did they know that the accident of forgetting heralded the invention of champagne. Why can’t my accidents be that profitable?

The history of Champagne is full of intersting trivia to regale your guests with on the next three hour car ride to the restaurant you heard them review on the radio. There will be a quiz at the end.

Brought To By Wine.com, Purveyors of Fine Wine and Champagne

So…according to the 1891 Treaty of Madrid, sparkling wine can only be called Champagne if it actually was made within the province of Champagne, France. If your great-great grandfather had a large operation in Stenay, which is just outside the border of Champagne, he would have been out of luck. His realtor should have been fired.

I am so rude. I couldn’t help but listening in to a conversation while waiting in line.

“People will die if they don’t drink water for three days.”

“No, you are wrong. I’ve gone a week without water.”

“There is water in root beer.”

“Okay, but even if I didn’t, and I didn’t drink anything, I’d still be alive. My body would just suck the water out of the food. Maybe not so much in chips, but there’s a lot in spaghetti sauce. And I’d of course have a grape or two.”

“Okay. So we can’t go without LIQUIDS for three days.”

“Yup. Doctors are all so wrong. I just get it from food and air. I am like a cactus. They can go without water for three YEARS.”

Back to The Snack Hound test kitchen, I researched and found that the irreverent shopper was correct. It’s true. The cactus part, at least. Sounds good for all the black thumbs out there.

The resiliency has led to the craze if looking to desert plants instead of rain forest plants for extreme antioxidant content.  Whether it is the Prickly Pear or the Nopol cactus, where Nopalea juice comes from, there are no formulations all the time. Drinking the juice directly from the cactus comes with prickly results. You could give yourself a piercing , but like coconut juice directly from the fruit, you might need to be chained to the bathroom for awhile. Cactus juice naturally is a constipation fighter, but don’t worry, the blends that the juices are in won’t overload your system to cause any sort of emergency. Life is too cruel for a juice peddler to do that. The combo of antioxidants (Betalains), however, are proven to reduce inflammation/irritation in the body. Too bad it won’t help burning ears. I swear when someone is in the next county is referring to me, I call them and they say “I was just thinking about you.”

If you are the type who plans their Halloween party 2 1/2 months in advance, or regularly entertains for the viewings of True Blood or worn out Twilight DVDs, then vampire fang ice cubes are for you. I myself, now there are periphery children, such as kids of cousins, My Favorite Guy’s nieces and nephew, etc., I fall back on the old and the lame. If you are tired of jaded children putting their hand in a bag and saying, “Oh that’s so scary. It’s just spaghetti,” then floating dental work in red Rock N Rye, or Cherry Kool-Aid punch may be a bigger hit. Granted, it looks like fake teeth for that slightly kitschy feel, rather than cast from human teeth, but artificial grossness is way better than real.

The folks at Geek Alerts just thrive on pointing out the silly, the shocking or the Geeky Gadgets. There are plenty of robot kitchen timers for the culinary devotees, but the site is up to its blood shot eyeballs in fun “cow being abducted by an alien tractor beam” lamps and Empire State Building kitty scratching posts, too.  Christmas is coming, after all.

There other specialty is resourcing coupon codes. If you are following the Nutrisystem diet, for example, there are Nutrisystem discount codes. If you are more DIY, there are also Weight Watchers coupons for discounts on the online service that act as companions to the meetings or instead of the meetings if you don’t have a group near by. Vampire teeth ice cubes are zero points by the way. Unless you make them out of hard liquor. Or melted Gummy Bears. Or sugar water. Blech.

What unusual touch are you using to make drinks a little more fun (but still all ages appropriate)?

A bunch of time back, I had an insane moment and decided to get two dresses altered instead of consigning them and buying something new. Usually, tailoring is frugal but not when you have a skirt with a handkerchief hem and three layers, nor a dress that you purchased thinking you would hem it when its actually a foot too long. Through word of mouth I heard about Elinor who did a bang up job. She was a slip of a woman, about sixty, with plastic costume jewelry from elbow to pinky.

Little did I know that Elinor also did a few other things on the side out of her little hole in the wall storefront. She also made wine. There was a large coat closet with a sliding door, which revealed at least 12 glass jugs full of various shades of liquid, all with a little balloon on each end. Each apple juice bottle or wine jug had a name scrawled in black magic market. There was Chardonnay, Shiraz and something called “Grandpa’s Favorite.” I was afraid to ask about that one. The legal consultant in my brain quickly sorted through the files somewhere in my cerebral cortex and did not find any sort of precedent, but did alert me to the corner of the health department’s lips being curled downward about food manufacturing in proximity to people in states of undress…and, oh, Stitch Witchery.

Elinor took my jacket and hung it dangling somewhere above the intersection of  Shiraz and the aforementioned family label. A moment later, I was whisked behind a dressing room curtain and was a captive audience, unable to escape the hum of the sewing machine tapping away while I waited and wine-y stories. Elinor drank from some sort of sippy cup as she sewed. Elinor talked with her hands while she stitched, which made the process much longer.

“Ah, you noticed the wine.” I was unsure whether she was referring to the closet or her sports bottle/sip cup. “I am trying to make it just like Grandpa made it. I use the grapes from my yard.”

“You have Shiraz grapes?” I asked.

“What? No. I don’t know what they are. Shiraz just means its thicker, doesn’t it? I add flour to it. Just like making gravy. Do you want to try some? It’s Australian, you know.”

“No, that’s alright. Wine gives me headaches.” It doesn’t, but there was no way I was going to drink half fermented wine.

“Oh, come on. The headaches come from the tannins. Mine is all natural.”

At this point, I was a captive audience with my jeans hung up just outside the curtain and my dress on the machine. I could make a grab for it and throw my jeans on and make a run for it. Why didn’t I just leave? A moment later, a blue pinstriped rust bucket thundered up the driveway. Elinor’s son walked in. He flung open the closet door and grabbed the biggest jug, ripping the deflated balloon off the top end.

“What are you doing?” Elinor asked.

“I gotta drain the oil out of Bessie again. I figured you woulda snagged this.”

The Folger’s plant in Downtown Kansas City will be closing in 2011. Operations will be relocated to the Smuckers headquarters in Ohio to consolidate operations. While it of course will mean job loss for Kansas City, the locale will also loose an iconic building. The troops are rallying to save the historic structure.  I first heard it from @ShellyKramer on Twitter who is local to the area, and there is hope that it wouldn’t be turned into condos.

I have my own proposal for the structure. Actually there are two.  This would be the most awesome bed and breakfast. You know, it would be “The Best Part of Waking Up.” While most coffee operations would be moved to Ohio, maybe a small amount in small batches would be made here.  It would be like going to one of those winery tours where you learn to brew your own wine.  No secrets would be given out, but they could mix the different coffees to your preferences. There could be bins and they would mix you a bag or can of half caff/half decaf.  Or maybe you want to mix Chocolate Silk and Cinnamon Swirl.  Maybe you like them, but not a lot so you add half regular and have Chocolate.  You take that home, and then you could order one there with whipped cream on the top.  Some of the bedrooms would be industrial decor themed and some would be antiquey and cozy – whatever you chose.

Each room would have a theme.  What about the “Scott Bakula Room?” If he is between tv and movie roles, he and his wife (not the actress pictured) perhaps stay there? Or would he sneak into your room and start brewing the coffee to wake you up and sneak out? (Commercial dates to 1985).

Of course, the upper floors would be the rooms, but they all wouldn’t be next to eachother.  There may be rooms with glass cases and historic memorabilia in between. You wouldn’t want your romantic weekend spoiled by the people in the next room, would you?  Or maybe a room would be really big so the whole scout troop would sleep over.   Then, there would be the “business end” down below and a trendy coffee shop for people on the street who are not staying there.  Of course you could order pastries made with Smucker’s Jelly in the middle of them and coffee.   I haven’t decided if I would go with ubertrendy or would hang my hat on the industrial theme again.

Of course, they should leave some of the factory “as-is” for the museum element of it or truck in historical collectible memorabilia about Folger’s and Kansas City history and people would tour it.  You just never know – It could be a really happening Bed and Breakfast/Coffee Shop/Museum and maybe even a funky place to have your wedding reception.  Of course, there would be free coffee with the room rental but it would be BYOB or BYOF – Bring your own Beef or Bring Your Own Fish. Smuckers, the parent company is just not big on main courses.

See…lives are changed with Folger’s.

Follow me on Twitter @TheSnackHound “just because” and for updated news (Oh, and I need a few more followers before Twitter will let me follow more of you!), and follow @SaveFolgersKC too.  I don’t drink coffee…but I brew it for the smell! (Oh, and I love historical buildings).