Imagine Susan Pleshette in “The Ugly Dachshund,” but imagine that she spayed the doxies before they had babies, and mix in hideous shoes from 1978 into her wardrobe and the “Can’t Cook” side of the departed Food Network Show “Can’t Cook/Won’t Cook,” and you will begin to get an idea of what I am all about. My dogs may get high end food, but I was a plain spaghetti and toast girl.
Mom to two sweet and silly dachshunds, daughter of a “Spam and Bisquick” cook, carrier of quite unladylike army purses, portrait artist of insects, collector of 1950s and 1960s kitchen tchotckes that I don’t know how to use, and thankful to God everyday for the quirky world that I am in. Oh, and now I have a Favorite Guy too. More about him, later.
Where did I go wrong? I always rather hang out with grandpa and make something in the garage than be anywhere near a stove. Or sifting through an antique store for another dachshund shaped butter knife. I don’t think it has anything to do with the homemaking skills not being taught to me, but rather a kind of brain damage or birth defect where the small amount of math needed, and small amount of patience needed just wasn’t stamped into my genetic code.
Hopefully you will be mildly entertained while you learn a few things that you should never do in a kitchen but sometimes must.
Enjoy the desperate cry for help.