TheSnackHound

EnergizedSeller.com is asking all of us to submit our scariest and funniest pet pictures to be a part of a contest. The winner will receive a $500 Home Depot or Lowes gift card.  When you win, you get to choose which one you rather have.  Actually, I detract the previous statement.  When I win, I will definitely be able to put that to excellent usage for important concerns around the Test Kitchen.  I saw dark chocolate with chili pepper in it at the store, and that makes me want to construct a window box for chili pepers.

To enter, you need to register for EnergeizedSeller.com and become a part of the community. Secondly, submit a funny or scary pet photo and post it in the appropriate thread in the discussion forum. Entries will be accepted through March 31, 2009, closing at 11:59 P.M. Central Time. That’s 12:59 A.M. for you Easterners and that’s 9:59 P.M. for those in the bustling city of Los Angeles. I would imagine that the judges will be going by the time stamp on the forum.

How about this as my contribution?  Does The Snack Hound qualify as a pet?  Give me your best shot and let me see if your dog is funnier than mine.

Maybe, just maybe, you should check out 101 Home Selling and Staging Tips that Energized Seller recommends before embarking on your home improvement center excursions. You will get ideas on what things you should purchase to make your home look more showcase ready, and what to skip as it may save you a lot of money when making decisions on what to spruce up.

By greasy, I am not referring in any way to Mr. Travolta, nor Ms. Newton-John.  I apologize to their “people” for getting all excited about the free publicity for their clients.

I have absolutely no shame in admitting that I am a regularly reader** and sometimes commentor at The Junk Drawer, where Kathy has enough humility to share all of the misshaps and stupidity that life doles out to her.   Seldom do I take interior decorating advice from folks, but many moons ago, Kathy had an idea about how we can beautify our little virtual internet homes to make them more appealing.  Stubborn as I am, it only took me three months to implement the idea around here.  I assure you, it was somewhere in my mind the whole time, just like it took me three years to change the nobs on a side table when it started to bother me.

(**= Just a sidebar here: While I don’t feel any shame of guilt of stating my status as a JunkDrawer reader, I am not entirely sure that the shame and guilt-lessness goes both ways. So, Kathy, if you are out there, you can express your level shame of having ME as a reader unless you feel that your blog has now been outed as me liking it and something negative will happen.  I.E., someone will come over and start T.P.-ing the Archive section.  Now..back to the show…)

Now, you too can see TheSnackHound.com in BacoVision, just as you have seen many other sites on the internet.   Just go to http://bacolicio.us/ and you can see for yourself. I want to ask the makers of the site if they would ever consider doing a turkey bacon version for those of us who abstain from the complete bacon experience.

*****
Do you like the atmosphere around here?
Okay, this was more pathetic than funny but still it would be nice if you would rate me on Humor Blogs!
(You will have my undying appreciation!)

(At left:  World’s most secure mailbox.  I showed it to you because I care about your safety.  You may want to get one for yourself.) 

Finally, I am starting to consolidate my email accounts. I had one email address that I would use for registering for websites. This way, I would know if I was getting junk mail from those particular sites. I had another email address that I would give out to people that actually knew me.  That email address hardly gets any mail, because philosophically, I only started getting to know myself recently, so how could other people really know me?  Then, as usual, there was the email address I had so no one else would register for that name because I really liked it.  Inevitably, I completely forgot the passwords to two of them as I use them so infrequently. I recall setting the passwords to things that weren’t my usual passwords.  That’s pretty swift if I was ever going to be interrogated by the KGB or some other partially disassembled organization. They wouldn’t be able to get any of my weather alerts, for sure.

Privacy Harbor is a new email provider that is supposed to be the be all and end all, as it eliminates spam and viruses so that your inbox is a very safe, tranquil and serene environment.   What if I like to read pleas for financial help from Nigeria, being the last known heir of Lady Diana, as I am?  Then I suppose I am out of luck.  The majority of people, when polled rather not read such tripe.

With other email systems, there is a way to “white list” and “black list” different email address so it knows who is the bad guy, and who is the good guy.  That is way too complicated as most scam artist email writers change addresses like my teenage brother changed socks.   Okay, that was a bad anology and the exact opposite of the picture that I was trying to paint.

I think I am going to give it a whirl.  The only problem is that my relatives are not up on all this technology and it might take a few years for them to realize that I have a new email address, even though I told them about it.   If I am not careful, one of them could try to send a cake, all wrapped up in individual plastic wrapped pieces to my new address.   I am sure the guys and gals at my internet service provider would intercept it for me and determine whether it was safe or not.  I would get a .jpg or a .gif in my mail box of just the crumbs that were left over.

Hey you, in cubicle number two at Privacy Harbor: Consider yourself on notice!

Soon, there will be a new addition at TheSnackHound.com. You will soon hear the pitter patter of little condiment tray feet.  Truth be told, wood and metal usually don’t make pitter patter noises, they make scraping noises I would imagine.  I bet you can hardly wait to see what that entails. Yes, TheSnackHound is expecting. Not the author of this chronicle, but the actual Snack Hound. No, not the real live dachshunds that assist with this writing.  They are both boys and both neutered. I mean the actual wooden, 1950s Snack Hound cracker tray is expecting a new addition.  So, the new cast member of The Snack Hound is being expected any day now.

You will just have to watch this website to see what happens.  By the way, the photo above is actually of the current Snack Hound, just the reverse side that you are not used to seeing.   In the graphics of this site, there are not two Snack Hounds, but one, just graphically altered to look like more.

*****
Do you like the atmosphere around here?
Okay, this was more pathetic than funny but still it would be nice if you would rate me on Humor Blogs!
(You will have my undying appreciation!)

There is not a day that goes by that I have not feigned surprise or shock over something. More likely, I am feigning that I am feigning surprise, which means that I am faking my faking of being surprised. What does that exactly mean? Well, double negatives cancel each other out or perhaps make a big giant toxic negative with super powers. In other words, I have no idea what I mean from a practical standpoint. Only a proverbial one.

What did I almost raise my eyebrow about today? I say almost, because although I never have had botox, I do not have the genetic makeup of someone like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson who can noticeable raise their eyebrows. My emotionless expression was brought about reading up on Beaute de Maman, which is a cosmetics company.  What is so earth shattering about that? Well, the whole modus operandi is being a niche cosmetics company to pregnant women. So, in otherwords, I originally thought that the line included lip gloss that smelled or tasted like dill pickle ice cream.  Maybe there would be a post partum version that smelled like a really strong peppermint mouthwash to overpower and cancel out any smell of messy diapers that might be in the room. However, a pregnant friend once told me that babies don’t smell until they start eating “people food.” She didn’t really say “people food,” but as a dog person, my brain automatically translated it for me.  Oh well, at least she only had one and not a “litter” like Octo-Mom.

In real life, outside of my brain, the actual cosmetics in questions are free of certain dies or chemicals that could injure a baby. You can order now on their site.  In other words, the shards of glass that as a really fashionable single, childless gal I prefer in my eyeshadow is not present.   Maybe there are those corner guards around the edges of the compacts just so no one knocks their heads on them. Actually, it is not about actual makeup at all, but more like facial scrubs and moisturizers.  Apparently, the items are more hormonally balanced for the pregnant woman, but they also are free of chemicals, such as bisphenol A, which is found in some cardboard packaging and harmful to developing fetuses.    In other words, if you are pregnant, don’t lick cardboard.  You don’t know where the heck it has been.

In all seriousness, there are definitely chemicals in the products we put on and in our bodies that are not beneficial, at best, or harmful, at worst.  My question is: Why do we even have these chemicals in skin care products period?   It is like a woman smoking, quitting while they are pregnant, and taking up the cancer stick again.  Just something to think about.

I haven’t checked “The Fridge” in quite awhile. I decided to write a message just for all of my special readers to express the state of mind that I am in at this moment.

Today’s message:

Yes, I do admit that I am quite smitten with them.  In fact, I don’t want to even disclose my Thin Mints and Hoedown (called Tagalongs in other parts of the country) that I have consumed this season.  Of course, it may not be particularly healthy, but since I don’t freeze any for the rest of the year, I have another ten months to work it off.

Do you want to leave me a special message?  

1) Click Here to go to the Refrigerator.  (You can’t do it on the fridge above because that is just a screen shot.

2) Drag and drop the letters to create your own message.

3) Press “Save.”

4) Sometimes, it will ask if you want to leave your name and url. This often depends on what browser you are in.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  Oh well!

I will periodically check to see if any of you have left me a note.  Remember, this ain’t the boys or girls room in middle school, so be on your best behavior.  Or not.

*****
Do you like the atmosphere around here?
Okay, this was more pathetic than funny but still it would be nice if you would rate me on Humor Blogs!
(You will have my undying appreciation!)