This week, I made a major revelation to a good friend of mine. I won’t mention her name as I didn’t tell her that I was . You see, she was unaware that Candy Cigarettes are now called Candy Sticks. Why is that? Because people decided that the candy would encourage children to smoke. I say that the particular ship sailed somewhere around 1958. if candy cigarettes were to have an effect, they had already done their damage. and smoking in 2008 is on the decline. Any legislative change would be just like pushing water up a hill with a fork. In fact, any child who thought candy cigarettes were delish, and then tried a tobacco cigarette thinking it would be the same would have been so repulsed by the differing taste that they would have sworn never to smoke again in their life.
Doubt me?
I turn to theater great Uta Hagen**, who not only was an accomplished actress, but found further fame as an acting teacher. She bandied about the Staniskavski method, which to you all, is method acting. There were some situations where an actor could get into such a mindset that when they supped a glass of apple juice on stage it would taste like beer to them, or have the same effect. What you never wanted to do to an actor would be to have water pretend to be vodka on stage, and then one night during a show, replace it with something else. Either real vodka or a trendy flavored water. It literally could be a shock to the system for them as their body wasn’t expecting it.
In otherwords, you think all of these pretty boys who decide to turn to the stage have no working hazards…you are WRONG!
What was I talking about? Oh…yes. I was talking about people dying of shock that real cigarettes didn’t taste like candy cigarettes.
(**= Just a little sidebar here. I came THIS close to meeting Uta Hagen!! I was walking in the lobby of a theater. In fact, I was in the basement at the black box theater, and I came up the stairs into the lobby. Behind the big wooden doors of the main stage, down the aisle, and on the stage was Uta herself. I could just slightly make out the sound of her voice, even though the door was closed, as the theater had excellent accoustics and she knew how to work it. I dared not open the door, because everyone would have turned around as the door was very heavy and very creaky and I would not have wanted to potentially meet her in combat boots, ripped jeans, a leotard top with a flannel shirt tied around my waist. No wait, it was tied around my shoulders. Preppy grunge. I thought i looked pretty sweet. But then again, everyone else thought they did too, but at least I showered. I DID however get to meet John Henry. The horse. You know, who came off of Arlington track and took the racing world by storm. I saw him many years ago way before he passed away of old age. Since Uta Hagen is dead too, I won’t get a chance to meet her before she dies.
Okay…back to the blog post…)
Now, in modern times, these candies are called CANDY Sticks. It is a less cigarette-y name, but the candy actually looks identical. In fact, some makers even make them with the small pink tip that some of them used to have. The good news is that the taste and texture that you have come to expect has not changed. They are more neutral a flavor than the SweetTarts or Smarties. They are closer to what candy necklaces used to tastes like before they started getting all harsh and stuff.
I just have a question…what does Spider-Man have to do with candy sticks, and also, when did he hyphenate his name? I just thought he was Spiderman, but apparently, he started hyphenating at some point, or perhaps it is not about marital status or his wish to be a compound noun, but a reflection of his packaging not being produced in an English speaking nation? I won’t know until i snag an exclusive interview like I have had with Wendy, of the League of Suppression of Celery, that is not the justice league, but a member of the Association of Leagues along with the Justice League. the League of Leagues is not an autocratic body, but rather gives you use of emergency red phones or busts that have heads that flip open to reveal secret buttons. The Human League was not invited, but there is acknowledgment they existed as they drilled the “I’m Only Human” song into our heads. There could be a League Against the Human League though.
So, the natural question you would have for me: Was I for or against the name change. Actually, it sort of just creeped up like a fog over Boston. I took it for granted and one day realized what had slowly happened. I think children are now a little confused. What about those straight, long peppermint things that are in jars at old fashioned ice cream shops? I thought THOSE were candy sticks. Since there are not too many of those except near cider mills, maybe the candy stick people brokered a deal somewhere, somehow, to make sure the old fashioned candy sticks were not called anything at all.
What did we learn today?
1. Candy Cigarettes are now Candy Sticks
2. The didn’t influence me to smoke as a child or an adult
3. They did, however, probably help put my dentist’s children through school.
4. I never met Uta Hagen due to my poor fashion choices that I thought were cool but apparently, somewhere in my subconscious, I wasn’t too sure. If I really thought I was a good impression, i would not have been deterred from a learning experience.
*****
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