TheSnackHound

The Great American Seafood Cook off 2008 is right around the corner. Actually, it is this weekend, August 2-3 in New Orleans. I know, I didn’t give you much notice, but if you are in the eastern United States, you can get in your car right this very minute, and you will get there in plenty of time. Of course, you might need a shower because you drove straight through the night, but I promise you can still make it.

I have lived in three different parts of the country and the seafood is very different from region to region, not just in the selection of native species, but in the actual recipes. Whether caught off of the dock in the backyard or brought from the ocean, everyone thinks the way they prepare it is best.

One thing is pretty universal whether you are landlocked or oceanside. Every dinner party starts off with a shrimp ring. Depending on how far you are from the gulf, or from a large grocery store chain, you either get four shrimp in a wine glass for twenty bucks, or get several pounds on ice with a saucer of cocktail sauce for the same price.

I always wonder why something simple is so easy to ruin. The standby for restaurants is to slather them with Old Bay seasoning and serve them peel and eat style. That may be fine, but it necessitates a trip to the bathroom to scrub your fingernails. Certainly, this is not a matter for business lunches or blind dates.

The other popular way is to serve it with cocktail sauce. The last time I went to the store, I was amazed at how much sodium was in cocktail sauce! One had 900 mg, and one had 650 per serving size, which was basically a spoonful. By the time you ate a real serving, a doctor would come to the table and prescribe you blood pressure medicine on the spot.

The simplest recipe I have found is as follows:

Buy Ketchup
Buy a jar of horseradish
Put the ketchup on a dish and mix horseradish to taste.

Do not do this in any greater than a one to four ratio or you will burn your mouth out. It is better to add a smaller amount and increase it. Your guests will tell you that its the best cocktail sauce they have had in a long time, as their bodies do not know what hit them without having xanthan gum and the like to contend with, but don’t tell them its just ketchup.

Do you have any other ideas that you have used to improve on the ever popular “peel and eat” shrimp or shrimp cocktail concept, or is this something so perfected and simple there is just no variation? I wonder if the chefs at the CookOff would come up with something that a regular person could tackle. Maybe they would be bored or would really be itching to make something more complicated than that. I certainly think that if I showed up with my ketchup packets and little jar of horseradish, they would wonder how I actually thought I would be taken seriously. Little do they know that is really just about my speed.

What would your take on an old standby be?

It’s that part of the program where I take off my oven mitts and give you a proper lecture so you aren’t tempted to do something to hurt yourselves. I am serious. If this blog were a sitcom, this would the “Very Special Episode” where Mallory Keaton and Peter Brady and Arnold and Willis learn a very serious lesson and they will never do a particular thing ever again.

All summer long (and to be fair, spring too) we have been talking about renting a pontoon boat and having a BBQ on the water. That sounds nice, but sometimes I think we don’t remember what’s all involved. There is the question of the mechanics of it all. Would the food be precooked, or would we bring a portable onto the boat? If you bring precooked food, you lose the ambience, but if you bring the grill on the boat, you probably lose your security deposit. Secondly, of course, when I think about it, the damper is put on right away from remembering there are no bathrooms on most boats! You would have to drive around for awhile to find a riverside restaurant (and buy a candy bar to qualify as a customer) or have to cut the day short.

There is a more serious “don’t” when it comes to boating: Don’t Drink and Drive.

I don’t really drink, save for wedding toasts and the occasional glass of wine (however “whine” I imbibe too much of), but I know other people having fun on the water do. There is no harm in having a drink as you sun yourself along the river, but people often forget the boat is a vehicle, too. Some may drink an extra couple of wine coolers to prevent themselves from loosing their cookies when the boat rocks if they don’t have their sea legs, but if you aren’t careful, you can lose more than your cookies!

Far too many people have been injured or even lose their life when Boating Operating Under the Influence.

Some nice people at the Arizona Game and Fish Department came up with a very chilling public service announcement. I am posting this in hopes that you, my dear blog readers will think twice.  Maybe it will inspire you to take a Boating Education Online or another type of safety course, but my real aim here is to influence your decision to take your rum CAKE on the boat, but leave the liquor on the shore if you anticipate getting behind the wheel.

Who the heck is “Dinah?”   The second question that begs to be answered is : Who is in the kitchen with her, and why is it significant?

You may wonder just what I am going on about.
Remember the folk song?

Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah
Someone’s in the kitchen I know
Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah
Strummin’ on the old banjo!

The song is a temp change section of “‘I’ve been Workin On the Railroad.”   Kind of like how in “Last Dance,” Donna Summers starts out one way, and then everyone has been waiting until she gets to the uptempo part of the song.    Okay. Not really.  Bad analogy.   Truth be told “Dinah” had her own song, penned around 1840 and published in London.   We must travel back through history to have all those burning questions answered.

1) Does the “Someone” in the kitchen with Dinah, i.e, the phrase “Someone’s in the Kitchen I Know,” mean that someone is in the kitchen that the singer is well aquainted with?    Or does the singer imply that he/she “knows” that someone is in the kitchen.  They are aware of they whole “state of affairs” but they do not indicate who it could possibly be.

2)  In the 1800s, it would seem that kitchens were quite more utilitarian.  There were no large L-shaped counters with breakfast bar stools back then.   It was also awfully hot without air conditioning.  In otherwords, we do not “buy” the concept that Dinah regularly “entertains” in said kitchen.  The presence of a banjo playing person, or the fact that a person who is normally in the kitchen who suddenly breaks out the banjo, therefore, is highly suspect.    However, since Dinah would not have a radio to listen to while washing dishes, it is possible she sought alternative entertainment. Does this qualify?

This all leads me to believe that the song’s point was that this was not a usual occurence.  Otherwise, no one would have written a song about it.  Unless they just needed something to rhyme with “know” and   True there are other folk songs where not much happens out of the ordinary.   But it had to be something that stuck out a little in the writer’s mind to actually put pen to paper.

The original name of the song, I have discovered, was Old Joe or Somebody in the House with Dinah.  Ah-HA!   So it was JOE who was in the kitchen and strumming said Banjo.    When one question is answered, it opens a floodgate of many more!   Was he her dad?  Was he a wandering minstrel?   Was he trying to court her?   Was he the local crazy person?   Was this a commercial establishment and he worked there? We need to know!  It he was “Old” Joe maybe Dinah was very young and thought it was gross that this really old guy was interested in her.

Maybe I have left you with more questions than answers.  Never trust someone who seems to have a “useless information” area of their brains with this sort of thing.   Don’t trust anyone who just casually seems to always be carrying around a banjo…or a mandolin for that matter.

Lots of people I know are considering a redo of their kitchen.   If they have a long work commute, and gas prices are putting them in a pinch, they are often choosing to entertain themselves closer to home or at home.   The more time you are at home, the more an ugly, obsolete, or damaged kitchen stares at you.

Lots of people are still trying to keep up with the Joneses and it is sure tempting to rush a job just because company is coming over from out of town.    You can sell some of your collectibles like on Cash in The Attic to bankroll the job.    You can do the responsible thing and put money aside every week, but some people are taking out equity lines in a few days or week or are even getting a Payday Loan Faster. Yes, I actually knew a couple who wanted to get the job done so bad that they took a cash advance on their paycheck! It was almost way too easy as they didn’t have to get dressed to apply for it on the internet.  Simple as pie!

Granted, they were a government contractor who got paid only once a month, but they just felt that if they waited, Aunt Sally would have come and seen their rotten kitchen, and though they may be paying for the finishing touches for a few weeks due to interest, they felt that impressions by others was more important than that!

Be careful out there.  When considering a kitchen redo, find out how much return you will get for the improvement and shop around.   If the terms are not good, stuff a chocolate muffin in your mouth.   The chemicals in chocolate will give you a rush that is similar to feeling “in love.” and that teal and cranberry kitchen with the goose wallpaper border might look a little more appealing to you.

There was the haunted walking stick, and tupperware container of Hurrican Charley Wind, but no ebay auction caught America’s attention like when the gavel dropped down on the World’s Most Famous Grilled Cheese Sandwich. The thrifty lunchtime staple that was said to have held an image of the Virgin Mary it kicked off a frenzy. People started searching for gold in the back of their fridge. Surely, there would be an opportunity for them to make thousands as well.

I bet that person is now kicking themselves for having not thought of all of the merchandising they could have cashed in on – T shirts, documentaries, and more. What I bet is a real big “wish I thought of that,” was creating a negative mold of the images to create an official Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich Toaster. Sure, it may have cast a doubt on the original Sandwich, but that person might have been able to be quite the philanthropist with the money that would have been raked in. Alas, the time from invention to market on a small kitchen appliance is a much longer process than, let’s say doodling something on a shirt and selling it on Zazzle.

Geek Mom Mashup informed us that there is now a Battlestar Gallactica Toaster where you can make toast with a Cyclon on it.  If you want one just like this, you are out of luck.   The only way you can get one now is to go to the San Francisco Comic-Con, where they will be selling them.

I suspect that only a small percentage of the ebaying community will be in attendance, or will have a relative in attendance.  No offense to the Comic-Con, but only a finite number of people can physically fit in the place where it is being held.   That being said, there will be many people with no knowledge of this scientific breakthrough.    Could it possibly happen that esomeone fires one up at the hotel, stuffing hotdog buns or doughy white bread from 7-11 in it, and then posts the magical toast on ebay that very night?   Maybe they will do it as a one day auction so by the time people find out, it will be over.

With the way things spread on the internet, someone will probably figure it out.    At least until I come up with the Clint Eastwood shaped potato maker that I secretly make in my garage.

Everyone who has ever been a descendent of a married person within the last fifty years has one. No, I don’t mean a blog. I am talking about the item you see to your left.

No, I don’t mean “in the room.” What I mean is, please direct your attention to the left of your computer screen. No, not the Youtube of a cat sitting like a person. Close all of the extra windows you have going.

Ok, I guess I need to be really specific. I am talking about the item that is on the left side of this blog page. It’s a knife. I heard someone say somewhere back there that “it’s a PICTURE of a knife.” Ok, I guess if I am being literally, you can be that way too.

Anyways, it is not just any knife. It is the Random Knife. More specifically, its my Random Knife.

Everyone has one, even if you are not aware of it. You are cleaning up after dinner and amid a sudsing, you hold it up and ponder this oddball that stands out with its roses or its curliques amid the sea of streamlined utilitarianism that typifies your maritally selected good china. It travelled with you from the home of your parents when you went off to college or you otherwise moved out, grabbing a spoon, knife, and fork as you packed up the car, albeit mismatched. Later on, you met someone and it necessitated having a full set of silverware, so off to the discount store you went and bought a service for six. The Random Knife hid among the mishmash as it mingled amid the newcomers and the flatware of a series of roommates, and “let’s move in togethers,” and was naturally singled out to stick in the aluminum foiled cake in the fridge or to open a box unsuccessfully with its dull blade, until the day happened that every Random Knife both rejoices and shudders at: the wedding registry.

You newlyweds start off with a whole gleaming new set, but somehow the Random Knife survives. Too nice to throw out, and who donates “just one knife?”

The day you take notice, a few years have gone by with your memory completely erased on how the Random Knife came to be. Could have been accidentally left at your house by somebody? But the pattern looks vaguely familiar. It had to have come from home. If it did, you could find out, because your parents had not changed a thing in their kitchen since 1988 (1988:Two Words…Geese Wallpaper.)

On Thanksgiving Day, you covertly open the silverware drawer and much to your surprise, there is no drawer full of family members akin to The Random Knife. It is a whole different set.  But, hiding behind them all is a single spoon, who bears the mark of the family of the Random Knife.

So, the conspiracy goes back to at LEAST the early 70s! Your The Random Knife was actually your mother’s Random Knife, and somehow you selected it from the drawer that fateful day when you moved out. You could have chosen any knife in the drawer, but your hand somehow was magnetized to it in mock Arthurian fashion.

Indeed, recollection suggests it and a 1951 House Beautful Magazine touting its virtues confirms it:  The Random Knife started out its life as an anniversary gift to Grandma and Grandpa.   The Damask Rose pattern was a big hit in 1951, apparently.   After G and G bought silverware with rubberized handles to accommodate children and grandkids, the set was split up and profliferated throughout the family.

You clutch The Random Knife close and vow to never let it see the inside of a thrift store just because it is a little mismatched, just like the rest of your family.   You almost want to get on having seven children just to increase the odds that you will have someone to pass The Random Knife down to.   But, if the Random Knife is intentionally given to someone as their birthright, is it Random anymore?

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